34 Things I’d Tell my 24-Year-Old Self
My 24-year-old self was working and living in Austin, Texas, uncertain about my next steps. Not only did I not know where my career was taking me, but I felt as if my community had disappeared. So many of my friends had left Austin for job opportunities or other life circumstances, and I felt alone and a bit aimless. Where was my next job? Should I stay in Austin? Where was my life headed? The party confetti from college graduation had dissipated and real life had begun to set in. Being 24 feels like yesterday and simultaneously feels like a lifetime ago.
In college, I remember feeling like I was equipped with a clear path for how to succeed surrounded by a village of people cheering me on along the way. But, suddenly, I graduated and found myself searching for a new village of people, which seemed arduous and slow. While I did not see it at the time, that season was the beginning of God teaching me how to be brave and trust Him with the unknown, the confusing, the hard, and everything in between. So, as God has grown me over the past decade, and as I tend to rub shoulders with twenty-somethings on the regular, I feel a sense of responsibility to tell that 24-year-old-Rachel a few things – well, 34 things to be exact – that she needed to hear then and still needs to hear now. To the other twenty-somethings: may the following lessons minister to you, too.
Choose adventure. Life is always changing. You can either resist the changes or see the adventure in them. Of course, there is a grieving process in the changes. Every move across the country, every new job, and every relationship came with a season of joy and grief. Yet, those experiences were filled with adventure and growth.
A good job doesn’t have to be the best job. Some jobs you take will not be your #1 passion. That’s okay. Learn as much as you can, save your money, and journal about what you like and dislike about each job. Until you work in it, you will not know if you like it or not. Sometimes your job is simply a means of God’s provision and not meant to be your career calling.
Don’t give up on the Church. The Church is messy because people are messy, and you are messy. At times, God’s people will let you down and you will let them down, too. But, Jesus never will let you down. Look for a church that loves the Scriptures, loves people and extends compassion and go and do likewise. You are a part of the Body of Christ and you have a part in it (1 Cor. 12:27). Be a participant, not a consumer.
Therapy = bravery. As you live and grow, there will be things you need to process with a professional. It will be hard work, but your relationships, your career, and your heart will thank you. Spend the money on a good therapist.
Be a friend to get a friend. Be the kind of friend you are looking for. Jesus says love your neighbor as yourself. (Mark 12:31). Are you looking for a loving friendship? Go be a loving friend.
Fall in love with the Scriptures. We love what we invest in. Spend time bathing yourself in God’s Word. It will be hard. At times (okay, many times), you won’t understand it. But, trust that the Holy Spirit speaks to you through His Word, and His words are life-giving (Prov. 4:20-21). Find others who are further along in their faith who can disciple you in the Scriptures.
Let someone change your mind. There are things in life that are black and white issues. But much of life is lived in the gray. Be okay with the gray, and be willing to let someone show you a different perspective. They may not change your mind, but they might. And, that’s okay. It’s even better if God changes your mind.
Celebrate your body. Keep working out even when you don’t feel like it. Celebrate the body God has given you through moving your body. You don’t need to run multiple marathons (unless you want to), but exercise does give you endorphins (as Elle Woods would tell us) and you want your body to enable you to do the work of the Kingdom for a long time.
Kill comparison. Referring to #8 – Be careful not to compare your body (or your giftings) to others. That’s a recipe for disaster. At times, that might mean going off social media or not watching certain shows. Beg God to help you learn to be YOU and no one else.
Make friends with people you disagree with. We live in a cancel culture – lead with listening, loving, learning and civilly disagreeing at the right time. Many will never agree with you but that does not mean you shouldn’t be friends. Jesus ate with all kinds of people who disagreed with Him.
Don’t just call Mom and Dad on the hard days. Your parents are rooting for you and cheering you on and they want to know when you’re happy, too … not just sad. Care for them by celebrating God’s faithfulness in their presence. It will feed their souls and encourage their hearts.
Make the sacrifice to stay in touch with close friends. Keep doing the yearly college roommate reunion. They have seen you in so many seasons of life and know you in ways no one else does. Keep investing in them. One weekend per year will do more for you than you know.
Doing things alone can be exciting. Oh the people you will meet, the things you will learn and the trust in God you will gain by seeing Him show up for you when you walk in the room alone. Let him take care of you.
Get a budget. Like now. Know where your money is going. You’re working your butt off, so take care of where your money goes. Special note: Create a line item just for “hair” – you think I’m kidding.
Find experts and learn from them. People know stuff about stuff that you don’t. Make friends with them, buy them coffee, ask them questions and be willing to look dumb so that one day, you’ll be smart. Be willing to say, “I don’t know what you mean. Will you translate?”
Take the trip. I know I said to get a budget. Do that; but also, take the once in a lifetime trip (even if it’s a stretch financially). As you travel, you will learn about people, the world, yourself and learn what to do when you’re lost, afraid, don’t speak the language, etc. It’s terrifying and invigorating all at the same time.
Buy the dog. She will remind you time and time again of the unconditional love of God, while also making you want to pull your hair out. (Remember: Line item for “hair” on your budget). Your heart will grow and expand and she’ll stay by your side when you’re sick or have a broken heart. Again, she will be a picture of Jesus. (Oh, and did I mention to get a budget? Add: “Gracie” line item)
Buy the house (in the reverse order). I recommend getting the house before the dog because training the dog while moving into your first house might be your breaking point. But, the house will be worth it. You will need a tool closet and will learn to operate a drill. (Stop laughing. These are real life skills that if you had only let your dad or brother teach you sooner …)
Celebrate your milestones even when the culture doesn’t. People celebrate weddings and babies (as they should) but they often don’t make as big of a deal out of birthdays or graduations or promotions. Throw your own party if you have to – or get your friends together to throw it for you. God takes delight in you so take delight in what He has brought you through.
Don’t awaken love too soon (Sol. 8:1). “But, he’s so cute and sweet and smooth.” Give it time and remember what Dr. John Delony says, “behavior is a language.” Let his behavior show you he loves and adores you before you give him your heart. Until then, watch, wait, pray, invite a couple close friends in to do the same. 99.9% of relationship regrets come from moving too fast not moving too slow.
Be willing to be led. You are a leader. Never change that. But, be willing to let the guy lead, your boss lead, and your team lead you. Don’t fill in the gap too quickly just because there is one. The best leaders are first followers.
Stick with the things that are worth it. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither is your character or your skills. You might go to three grad schools but the degree at the end will be SO worth it. Don’t quit.
As cliché as it sounds, let go and let God. Some people will leave you and it will be devastating, but remember the character of God: He will never leave or forsake you (Heb. 13:5). Let them go and let God be the one who stays.
Make a list of restorative things that bring you joy, and do them. You work so hard that sometimes “fun hobbies” are hard for you. Keep a list of hobbies on your phone and do them regularly. You can be an amateur and still have fun.
There are certain things you shouldn’t do. Yes, I should on you. They aren’t wrong for others but they are wrong for you, and that is A-okay. Stop fighting them and embrace the limitations as God’s freedom to take the narrow road and stay in your lane.
Never, ever, be ashamed of who you are or what you believe. You will at times care too much what other people think to not be honest about who you are. Be your authentic self. You will exhaust yourself trying to be anyone else and the world needs you to be you and to be bold about what you believe.
Forgive them. All of them. Forgive the people who hurt you. Forgiveness is not the same as trust. Extending forgiveness is free but trust is earned (and earned back). There will be people you forgive who you cannot trust again. And, there will be others you forgive and can trust again. Forgive just as Christ has forgiven you. (Col. 3:13).
Practice sabbath. You will be reminded that you are not that important. God blesses you with one day of rest to commune with Him. He wants time with you – take it.
Use your phone, don’t let it use you. The phone at times will equate to death. So, you must kill it. Kill the apps, kill the notifications, fast from social media – use it to call your dearest friends and family when you’re lonely. Not to doom scroll in a way that masks as connection.
Go first. Say the thing that needs to be said to a close group of people. You being vulnerable will set someone else free. Tell them and ask for prayer. And, when they go first, sit with them and don’t fix them. Just be there and say, “I’m not going anywhere.”
God is the author of time. No one else. He authors your passions, your callings, your dating life, and your body’s biological clock. Don’t you dare let anyone tell you to hurry up when He hasn’t. He knows your desires and has not forgotten them. Read Hebrews 11 to remember men and women of faith.
But also: He blesses a moving target, so keep moving. Be willing to try a new hobby, go on a date with someone who “isn’t your type” and meet new groups of people just for funsies. :)
Loneliness is a part of life, but what you do with it brings life or death. Choose wisely. You live in a spiritual battle. Don’t minimize it. There is an enemy who wants to take you out. Fervently pray and guard yourself with the community of God, the Church, His Word, and be willing to live a life of obedient repentance. Nothing else will satisfy you like the presence of Jesus and the Saints cheering you on. Don’t isolate. Be quick to confess. Quick to apologize. Quick to lean in and ask for help.
Keep laughing. Life is hard. Learn to laugh. (And laugh at yourself). People will love it when you laugh, so please, keep laughing.
- RS
